Friday Fiction: Doris, the Vagina (Yes, You Read that Right)

Grandma was visiting so I drove to the nail salon post-haste. A month without maintenance and my regime was in a state. I sat down in the chair, regretting in my rush for freedom I forgot that beauty session fundamental: a magazine. Several outdated issues of O magazine were wilting at home. Then I remembered: I was in the middle of reviewing Close Call — A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure. Turning on the Kindle App – I am a multi-tasker to the bone – I felt a surge of relief as I dropped back into the opening scene.

A woman, Jemma, waiting to for her own overdue beauty treatment, and her vagina, Doris, bemoaning the cult of Brazilians. Doris is the main character, often upstaging the humans along with a cast of penises and other vaginas (and their accompanying humans). Turns out the advice our lady parts have to give us may be exactly what we need to hear.This is about as far from 50 Shades of Grey as you can get; think Sex in the City, told from the perspective of Carrie and co’s friends from down under.

Speaking of which, the author, Dionne Lister, is an Australian woman of many talents (including editing) who has taken a pen name for the first in what promises to be a hilarious series.

But I’ll let her tell you more about this journey into her first pen name.

Offensive Fruit Gives Birth to Vageventures

By Dionne Lister aka Eloise March

When I first had the idea for this book, and started writing, I was sure it was going to be a bestseller — it has an original premise and it’s really funny. Also it’s aimed at women, who must make up at least 50% of the population, but no, it didn’t take off. Oh the horror. I guess people see the words “talking genitals” and “Vadgeventure” on the cover and they freak out. No, it’s not a dirty book; no, it’s not offensive. It’s a book that at it’s vaginal heart, wants women to feel good about themselves, to shrug off society’s ridiculous patriarchal construction of what a woman should be, and how she should be treated, and make decisions based on what’s best for them — not for the sex-mad asshole at the club or the misogynistic co-worker at the office.

If you’ve ever twerked, or looked at yourself in the mirror and said “I hate my body,” decided to have sex with a guy because, even though you knew he was lying when he said he loved you, you desperately hoped he did. Stop accepting the scraps, ladies! Believe in yourselves and start listening to your vaginas. Your vagina doesn’t have any agenda, except that she wants you to be happy and live the life that you deserve.

This book was inspired by an offensive-looking piece of fruit on Facebook, I kid you not, but has turned into something I feel is not only entertaining, funny and heart-warming, but has a message that every woman should hear and take on board: women are awesome and we need to lift each other up, not tear each other down in our fight to be treated equally and with respect. So, ladies, stop ignoring your vaginas because I just know the first thing they’d tell you is to go and read Close Call ;).

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I am excited today to have Doris on the blog with a spot of advice, to show you just what all the fuss is about and just who Doris is. Don’t be afraid, she doesn’t bite and it has been proven beyond scientific fact she has no teeth, but her wit is sharp and she does tend to rip into you if you stray away from being true to yourself.

With Valentine’s Day behind us and the lonely hearts club back to drinking wine from a box or perhaps, hitting the clubs again, there are still a lot of gals trying to figure out a way to keep their dignity intact and still find a man who excites them and will make them happy throughout their lives…or at least have a serious and stable relationship with! Maybe even those whose glitterific relationship has lost some of it’s shine needs a bit of a boost!

Are you game? We also will be having a live interview with the Cabin Goddess, Kriss (she is also one of the head Fairies here), and a central Facebook event page where you can post questions for Doris throughout the tour, get updates and links during the tour and ask more info on the novella! Everyone in the know has been itching to see this book get everywhere and in have people join them in reading it and laughing just as hard as they did! You won’t even need cream afterwards.. perhaps a glass of wine and a new boyfriend, but not any cream!

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Close Call: A Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure

Close-Call-3D-450Close Call is the first instalment of “A Doris & Jemma Vageventure” series.

Think Bridget Jones Diary and The Vagina Monologues.

Twenty-two-year-old Jemma can’t seem to get her life in order. Her track record with men stinks, she constantly worries about getting fat and ending up a spinster at thirty. And to top it off, she has to be a bridesmaid at her most-hated cousin’s wedding. She feels like her life is over, until Doris decides to help out. Who’s Doris? Doris is Jemma’s vagina and she thinks more of Jemma than her own brain does. Doris is on a mission to save Jemma from herself, but is the task too much for one vagina to handle?

TAGS: Fiction, Chick Lit, Humor, Women’s Lit, Romance

© 2013 Dionne Lister Cover by Sol Pandiella-McLeod

Now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Kobo, iTunes, and Sony.

Meet Eloise March aka Dionne Lister

Dionne Lister - 2

Eloise March is a woman who laughs at her own jokes, swears way too much and breaks any new diet by lunchtime on the day she starts. She believes in women’s equality, and all equality for that matter, and hopes the things she writes touch people in a positive way, and make them think about how they can create a better society for themselves and others.

In her spare time, she enjoys living as her alter ego, Dionne Lister — a suspense and YA fantasy author who is way too embarrassed to talk about vaginas. She likes spending time as Dionne because Dionne has an awesome family, wonderful friends and a cat called Lily, oh, and she has great hair.

If you’re looking for Eloise, or any information about future books in the Doris & Jemma Vadgeventure series, you can visit Dionne’s website, where Eloise has been lucky enough to get her own page http://www.dionnelisterwriter.com. If you’re looking for a chat, you can find Ms. March on Twitter.

Facebook ~ Twitter ~ Website

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Follow the Tour

Monday – 3/3/2014:

Tuesday – 3/4/2014

Wednesday – 3/5/2014

Thursday – 3/6/2014

Friday – 3/7/2014

Saturday – 3/8/2014

Monday – 3/10/2014

Tuesday – 3/11/2014

Wednesday – 3/12/2014

Thursday – 3/13/2014

Final Day of the Tour – Saturday March 14th

Interview with The Cabin Goddess

Follow along on FACEBOOK

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Reader Comments

    • Mohana

      Thanks for writing such a unique book. I sent the link to several of my single friends asking them how different out lunches would be if we could hear what the girls were saying. Hahaha.

  1. M. E. Franco

    Glad to see this book is getting some exposure. I really enjoyed it and found myself laughing out loud and reading parts to my husband. Not only is it funny, but it really does have a great message about loving and respecting yourself.

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