Make Yours Count

Whiteboard: Four Agreements
Whiteboard: Four Agreements (Photo credit: anselm23)

Have you seen a grown woman break down recently? Sobbing tears and red eyes because someone hurt her feelings. Or had someone call you “bossy”, a word more familiar on the playground rather than the workplace?

I’ve been in both scenarios the last several months. As the mother of a toddler, I realized what I was seeing at home with my growing guy was not different from what I saw outside with adults.

Words matter. They lift us up, so we can accomplish anything. Or they crush us to pieces, leaving us with no self worth.

I could interject platitudes here about how sticks and stones break our bones but words… That our mothers were right, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then…

But there’s a far more important lesson I learned. One that has more effectively replaced both of the other axioms.

TAKE NOTHING PERSONALLY.

If you haven’t read The Four Agreements, I highly recommend picking the book up for your poolside reading. It may not be a bodice ripper or crime thriller but it may help you stave off the boiling rage at the guy who cuts you off in traffic. Or the coworker who gets under your skin.

Have a read.

What are your strategies for keeping cool under provocation? After all, we’re all stuck on this planet until deep space let’s us trash Mars.

 

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Would You Defend Your Country Against Libel?

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Anyone silly enough to still have a Blackberry may also be the kind of person who would add this guy… #bbpin #hilarious #sodoha

Ever since my husband upgraded me to an iPhone life has become more photographic. I left behind the pixelated world of the Blackberry camera to snap away at anything (clay rings on my toddler’s fingers) and any dish (yes, I do collages of meals), posting through the app Instagram on through to Facebook, Tumblr, or Twitter, as the content warrants.

Being a writer and standup comic, I do like the occasional joke or ironic photo comment. Sometimes my humor doesn’t suit the random passerby on social media.

This was the case on two occasions last week when I discovered my homemade hashtag #soDoha was not taken in fun as I’d intended. The first instance appears to your left. While sitting in traffic I had the chance to capture the unusual practice of sharing your Blackberry Pin (the unique number to your device through which people can access the free messaging service) on the back of your vehicle. The caption started a string of criticism about my inability to afford a Blackberry. Clearly my detractors haven’t heard that RIM is hovering at bankruptcy.

Where did the Instagram bullies come from? I’m not sure. Had they been following me or been alerted to my stream by someone else? Unclear.

What the incidents did remind me of is that humor is relative. And for some people residing in the city-state of Qatar, there is very little room to poke fun.

Even at guys who put their BB Pin on the backs of their cars or designer labels that can’t handle their own repairs.

What’s interesting is that in defending, the commentators were offending, and guilty of the same offense they accused me of by assuming I was not able to afford a Blackberry or genuine Gucci shoes.

 

Have you ever given offense at someone else’s expense? Or had to get defensive on your own behalf?

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The Art of the Backhanded Compliment

English: Sleeping baby boy
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I was an undergraduate studying abroad in China, I observed the Asian value of deflecting compliments or modesty. You tell a friend you like her hair or that she’s good student and she would promptly find an inherent flaw in her personality to negate your compliment, least you find her arrogant or prideful.

No worries on that front living in the Arab world surrounded by people from cultures who bask in direct assault of honesty.

Has it happened to you? Someone begins a sentence, that sounds like praise. Your face stretches into a smile. Then, the sentence ends. Instead of feeling good, you feel slightly down on yourself but you can’t put your finger on why.

This has been par for the course in my post baby #2 world. Not only did all and sundry give unsolicited opinions about their thoughts on my size, shape, and wardrobe, five weeks into life on the outside for our newborn and apparently it’s open season on comparisons.

“Your face is much smaller than when you were pregnant!” Some people have exclaimed as though this would make them my best friend.

“You’re much smaller than after you had your last son,” others have nodded seriously.

The list goes on. The most common refrain: “You look great for someone who has just had a baby.”

Have that sentence said to you enough times and you’ll wish for a period in more ways than one.

What’s the most backhanded compliment anyone has ever given you? And what did you say in response?

 

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