Tag: culture

Learning when not to be helpful

“No good deed goes unpunished.” 
I heard twice this semester while trying to help a friend/colleague with a project. While being encouraging, resourceful, and generous, I heard this pithy statement when things didn’t go according to plan.

Imagine my surprise, as an almost thirty year old, to learn that not everyone in the world appreciates those who are willing to help.

Since moving to this small community I’ve had to train myself to do the opposite of my parents’ example. They were eager and willing to help anyone at any time – in my father’s case, almost to a fault in many instances according to my mother.

Many people will tell you I have boundless energy. And from the inside, although it isn’t what it used to be, say when I was in college, I do manage to get quite a few things done at the same time.

But I’ve had to harness my energy for myself. This sounds so selfish and counterintuitive, but it is nevertheless the case in the nearly three years I’ve been in the desert.

People don’t appreciate boundless energy, as someone in the hallway at a conference said to me: “There is such a thing as too much enthusiasm, you know.”

Well, now that you bring it up, no. I did not know. I did not know my effusive optimism and belief that excellence in work would win anyone over (or at least silence the naysayers) was hopelessly naive.

But I’m practising triming things back. Stifling the urge to lift my hand at meetings and offer to untangle messy knots. Keep my time and talent to myself for other things.

It’s hard to break years of seeing your parents offer rides home to people they had met in the Wal-Mart check out line. Or to temper the knowledge that I can help with the update that it would not be appreciated it.

If I sound like I’m swinging between disillusionment and being protective I am.

Knowing where the line is with different people is hard. Figuring out where their trigger between generousity and jealousy is exhausting.

So I’m learning to keep it closer to home. Where it is generally more appreciated anyway.

Reverse Affirmative Action

This is what I call the Qatarization policy in effect in Doha. The root is the fact that the nationals, “qataris” those born to Qatari fathers (not mothers who have married non-Qataris) are eligible for citizenship, and they are vastly outnumbered in their own country. 

Of a population reaching 1.5 million, Qataris comprise about 250,000. The rest are people who have made their homes in Qatar for work such as Western or Asian workers, or for stabilty from conflict zones in the region, such as Palestinians, Iraqis, or the Sudanese. I’ve written about the tensions of Qataris feeling overwhelmed previously. See: “Ever Been Called Out in Print” which are reactions when this issue came to my own doorstep. http://mohanalakshmi.livejournal.com/1828.html

A few ruminations on this mult-ilayered and complex issue:

The ‘quota’ system is talked about in all the newspapers, radio, and on the minds of everyone in any industry in the country. How to get Qataris trained and into all aspects of the job force is a national issue and one of some debate. Since the oil boom, the average family income is roughly $60K, and most families far above this through private investments or enterprise.

Therefore a large segement of the population does not need to work for the sake of a salary. This means they have ruled out several roles that they do not want to play in organizations or as professionals, including: administrative assistants, or entry level jobs, as well as nearly all jobs that require high contact hours or have low status such as teaching or nursing.

How do you motivate a population that does not need to work?

Related question: how do you motivate students who are not reaching for the dangling carrot of a plumb job after graduation?

In this wealthy and insular society, it is about 5% of the population who are forward thinking, hard working, and setting the example for others of serving their country for the sake of honor and national pride.

It’s a delicate balance between all those who are here, or have been here for generations, but are never from here – a stark contrast to my own naturalization into American citizenship – and those to whom this country is given.

Working with students is particularly hard because the ‘international’ population, as I’ve come to call them (non-Qatari) are often the most engaged and ready to avail of any opportunity. Yet, making calls to my stand out Qatari students to motivate their peers is daily habit and likely the only way things will change.

Whether anyone likes to admit it or not, change of this kind is a long, steady process.

And as long as the Qataris are paying the bills, they will reserve their seats on the bus, whether any among them uses them or not.

Contradictions

Here are a list of things people say often in the ex-pat community in Qatar which underline the inability to categorize the transience of bein an ex-pat (an expat is someone who is living outside their country of origin).

“When you’re living here permanently for a while….”
Translation: We are here but we aren’t here forever, so that is an in between that is undefineable.

“Go to X….. you won’t even feel like you are in Doha.”
Translation: A few places in the city will help you escape the reality of being here.

“We should really get together.”
Translation: We keep bumping into each other and you know everyone I know, so I’m making small talk.

“Now X… that’s a real city.”
Translation: This is not a real city but there are real cities out there, I just don’t live in one, but I have money to travel to them (which is why I live in this not-real city.)