Tag: anger

Lack of commitment continues

Elsewhere on this blog I’ve talked about the challenges of living in a transient community – a revolving door of a place where no one is really here but merely on their way to somewhere else (http://mohanalakshmi.livejournal.com/tag/culture).

What’s surprising is that the lack of community or sense of connection also comes from the nationals.Recently I confronted this reality when a few people backed out of attending a conference at the very last minute. Then, they seemed surprised that I would actually hold them to paying the cancellation fee.

“What will this fee go towards?” They were asking.

To pay for the ticket we are already bought for you. To offset the cost of the hotel that was booked for you.

This attitude put me a little bit on edge – especially when I found out that these individuals tried to get out of paying the cancellation fee by using wasta  or influence – testing my anger levels yet again during Lent.

I took the easy way out and took a calming nap. 

Which left me feeling refreshed and ready to take on the most troubling part of this whole process. Not the wasted money, or lack of consideration, or commitment, which were all annonyances.

But missed opportunities – discard chances – the fact that many, many other people would love a chance at an all expense paid trip focused on their self imporvement.

Taking the nap inserted a breather where I could put distance between my feelings and the careless actions of a few and try again to get to those who would appreciate it.

Life in general, but especially in Qatar, is continual lesson of never giving up.

Thankfully, I’m learning how to cope at less emotional expense to myself.

It happened this week

I was tested earlier this week on my Lental commitment. I was white hot with rage at an injustice I thought was being inflicted on my husband and I. But I took a split second (literally because I really was angry) to remind myself to breathe, to think about why I was angry, to remember I was working on this very surge.

A miraculous thing happened. 

The sting went out of the insult.

Instead of fleeing from the room in high dungeon, I stood, crossed my arms, and breathed.

I thought about why I was upset: being angry on behalf of someone else isn’t really productive.

Being afraid you’re being taken advantage of is a way of diminishing what you have to give to the world.

Focusing on the petty and not letting it go can corrode your soul.

 In those few moments of breathing and calmness, I decided to forget it; not to hate anyone; and just keep breathing.

(Oh, and I will be taking steps not be in this particular predicament again).

There we have it: week two and I’ve overcome one challenge. Hopefully the next one won’t blindside me.

They don't teach you in school

how to manage money or your rage. These are two important life skills that aren’t really transmitted in books or traditional learning. We absorb attitudes towards money and anger management from our surroundings. Parents, friends, other adults. Constantly our young minds are watching them, cataloging what is permissible and what is unlikely to get results.

Anger management courses have been featured by Hollywood: Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson use comedy to show the utter extremes of provocation. Even Robert De Niro or Tony Soprano resort to therapy to deal with their out of control emotions which affect their standing as mafia dons. Make no mistake, talking to a therapist would help with any brain rewiring.

My moments of self reflection as they relate to anger only come after major blow outs. The last major one on record was in 1996. If you have one of these, they are volcanic eruptions which teach you your lesson. Never let the id take over and run the mouth. That’s what the brain is for. Even if you have to bite your tongue in half, some things are worth leaving unsaid.

I’m learning the best way to avoid anger, to stop it from building into rage, is to breathe. Taking deep cleansing breaths is the way stop the churning tide and to gain some perspective.

Try it. And tell me how it goes.